Cookery Classes
by Dazzling Dolphin
Summary: Clark Kent has finally found an apartment and has moved in. But he has trouble with food … Lois decides to help but will it go in success? Read to find out!


**_A/N: _**_Hello, my readers! I've got another Superman fan fiction. Just a random thought that crossed my mind. Hope you like it!_

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

It was a busy day at the _Daily Planet. _People filed in a rush to work, which of course included a certain bulky and dorky guy by the name of Clark Kent. He was simple by nature and by external appearance but was unique, both in a negative and positive way. Positive, very calm and kind and always there to lend a hand to any helpless person. The negative, always in a full suit with big round glasses that he made sure never came off at the wrong place at the wrong time and being dead clumsy. Even as he deliberately slowly filed out of the lift with everyone, he endlessly bumped into people, sending few papers knocking out of random hands, earning a 'Ow' and a 'Hey, watch it!' now and then. And as usual, Clark mumbled an apology. He couldn't wait to find Lois and tell her of the good news. He already knew she was already here. Courtesy of his super-hearing.

Another fact that made Clark Kent unique was that he was the Man of Steel himself. Superman. Getting excuses from the _Daily_ _Planet _to rush off at the random hours of the day was an everyday practice so that he can be in time to save lives. Being nervous, clumsy and talkative as Clark Kent, he was frank, mysterious and composed as Superman. Sometimes, Clark didn't know who he _really _was. Somewhere in between? Maybe.

But he didn't give it much thought, for he had spotted the petite figure of Lois Lane, sitting at her desk and tapping her pencil repeatedly on her wooden desk. She was clearly deep in thought. Clark didn't want to interrupt her so he changed course and was halfway to his desk instead when he heard her voice.

'Hey, Clark!'

Clark reflexively turned around and greeted her with a smile. 'Good morning, Lois.'

'Get over here.'

Clark left his briefcase on his desk chair and went upto her. 'Sorry, Lois, I didn't want to i-interrupt you so I went to m-my desk and …'

'Stop gibbering, Clark,' she said with a laugh. 'Wait, did you want to see me?'

It was Clark's turn to smile widely. 'Er, yes.'

'Did you finish off the interview with Kelly Wilshire?' she asked with interest. 'Please say yes, I haven't been able to get hold of her. Perry's going to kill me. I haven't even finished with the Town Hall Exhibit –'

'Lois?'

She continued rambling. '– and I've been up all night! Combing through every nook and crank of machinery to describe that Golden Benz car. Can you believe that! With gold! That guy's insane so we had to get hold of Kelly, being his coordinator –'

'Er, Lois?'

No attention. '– and the woman's a handful! Oh, Perry's going to –'

'_Lois!'_

'– when I get my – what, Clark?' she asked innocently, only now realising that he'd been trying to get her attention for the past few minutes.

'Calm down,' he said. 'I've got Kelly's words.'

Her eyes widened. 'You have? Oh, you're a genius, Clark! How did you do that?'

'To my luck, I ran into her whilst moving into my new apartment,' he said, ending his sentence with a grin.

Lois was distracted. 'Your new apartment?'

He nodded with ecstasy. This had been what he wanted to tell her. 'Finally got one near the park. It's quite good.'

'Wow,' she smiled. 'Can I come and see?'

'Sure you can!' he insisted. 'Bring Jason along too.' _Bring him so that he can see whether he'd like to put up any drawings of his. That would entertain me at home. _

'Of course,' said Lois. 'How about today evening after picking him up from school?'

'Swell,' he said in a high voice.

Lois rolled her eyes, amused. Just then Richard brushed by them. Lois stiffened. Things were not going well between the pair of them. Ever since that hospital visit, Richard had started to keep a distance and when Lois demanded him for some explanation, he retorted that he was no longer going to be with her. Superman had always been in her heart and now that the steel guy had recovered fully and was back permanently, Lois was certainly not going to be left alone by him again. Thus he decided to step aside. He had already got a placement in Alaska. But Lois knew he was hurting, so deep.

It was hard not to cry as he wheezed past without even eye-contact.

Clark said nothing. He waited until she collected herself and gave him a shrug, indicating it was nothing.

'So, visit to your apartment it is today then, Smallville,' she smirked.

'Sure … but, Lois, we'll have to order food from outside if you want to stay long,' he said, shifting his gaze.

She blinked. 'Okay … but you say like ordering's a bad thing. Is something wrong?'

'Erm,' he said, blushing. 'I … I-I can't c-cook, Lois.'

'Surely not?' she asked, now completely distracted from her work. 'Are you serious, Clark?'

'Yep,' he said.

'You're completely alone?' she asked. 'Your mother?'

'She's still in Kansas, she would never come here,' he explained, wondering with a swoop of his stomach whether Lois was deciding to get close to him. She seemed piqued by the fact that he was alone.

How happy he would be if she and Jason decided to move in with him!

_But you have to be romantically linked to her, you idiot, do you expect Lois Lane to melt into you that easily?_

_But anyway, her anxiousness that I'm alone really is saying something. She just thinks I'm Clark Kent. Lois do you really …?_

But his joyful speculations were killed with the suggestion she gave.

'Hm, you're alone and ordering food,' she stated. Okay maybe that was fine but the next few words paled him.

'Clark Kent, I'm going to teach you how to cook,' she said brightly.

He gulped. 'W-What?'

'Teach you to cook,' she repeated. 'Come on, you, you can't live off eating outside food. It's unhealthy. So, you're attending cookery classes with Lois Lane this evening.'

Clark did not like the sound of that. It was scary.

'Ummmm … but …'

'No 'buts', Clark,' she said authoritatively. 'Cooking class this evening.'

_Oh, this is going to be embarrassing, _he thought in fright.

He hoped it wasn't going to end in a disaster.

**000000000000000**

'Lois, are you sure about this?' Clark asked as he, Lois and Jason climbed upto the first floor to his new apartment. Lois was carrying two shopping bags full of ingredients.

Clark was eyeing them uneasily.

'Clark, one more word about this and I'm hauling you off the banister,' she threatened.

'I'll be fine, Lois,' he began but she silenced him with a glare.

'May I know what your aversion to cooking is?' she asked. 'It's not a bad thing, you know.'

_It is if you're Superman, _he thought. _Who knows when I get out of control?_

But he couldn't say any of that to her because she didn't know who he was.

Clark turned the key in the lock and led Lois and his son inside. It was cosy looking, with the first room being the living room, leading into a kitchen behind and a single bedroom and attached bathroom to the side.

Lois put the bags down at the sofa and gave an admiring look. Jason was doing the same.

'Wow, Mr Clark, it's very nice,' the child commented.

'You've done the furnishing well, Clark,' Lois complimented.

_Er, yeah, I practically punted things around in each room and whizzed around and got everything in order in a flash, _he answered in his mind.

'So,' she said briskly, picking up the bags. 'To business. To the kitchen, Kent.'

He was about to say something but swallowed it by seeing the look on her face. Not wise to argue with her. So he followed her into the kitchen.

Jason followed them, interested.

'What's a kitchen for if you can't cook, Clark,' Lois muttered.

She gave one glance around the little, white-painted room.

'I got a recipe book for you,' Lois said, fishing out a large thick book from one of the bags and dropping it on the worktop.

'Um, thanks,' said Clark, wondering if he'd ever even touch it.

'So,' said Lois. 'What can we start off with?'

'Egg rolls!' squealed Jason.

Clark gave his angel one loving smile. 'Egg rolls it is then.'

'Jason, you're not supposed to eat eggs,' reprimanded Lois.

'Oh, Mum, please?' he whined, using his puppy dog eyes.

'You listen to me, young man,' she started but Clark cut in.

'Come on, Lois, cut him some slack,' he said fairly. 'One evening won't do him any harm.'

_Because I can see through every flesh and bone and know he'd be perfectly alright._

Lois hesitated but then gave in.

'Fine,' she said. 'Do you know to beat an egg, Clark?'

'Uh, I think so,' he said uncertainly. He picked an egg from the carton and gave it a second of speculation. What was he supposed to do? Oh, yeah, he had to break the egg shell first.

So he fumbled around for a fork in the drawer, found one and rapped the egg with it.

_CRACK. GLOP. SPLATTER._

'Ew,' laughed Jason, as he stared at the cracked egg shells floating in a puddle of spilled white and yellow yolk on the tiled floor.

'Um, oops,' said Clark. Was it his fault that he had a teensy little more power in his hands?

Lois was not pleased. 'Oh, Clark,' she sighed in exasperation. 'You have to hit it very soft. Why don't you give me the eggs and get a little bowl from the cupboard?'

Clark hastily handed her the fork and bent double to extract a bowl from within the cupboard.

_Lois, didn't I tell you I don't want to do cooking?_

No sooner than he had found a perfect sized little bowl and was pulling it out when he sent the other utensils cascading to the floor with several clangs.

Lois glared. He stuffed them all back and straightened up with the bowl. Lois took it from him and poured the egg contents, a little salt and pepper neatly into the bowl and beat it actively with the fork.

'Can you light the stove?' said Lois, not looking up from beating.

Clark found a matchbox near a shelf and opened it to find only one matchstick inside. He struck it against the side but … the stick broke. He was furious with his hands.

'Mum, add onions and cheese!' suggested Jason happily.

Clark got an idea meanwhile.

Making accurately sure Lois and Jason were looking the other way, he concentrated on the stove, kept his hand on the operator and very quickly shot a stream of heat from his eyes as he turned on the gas. He threw the matchbox to the side.

Then he saw something that made his stomach squirm.

Jason was staring at him in a very odd way. But he didn't say anything.

Lois clearly didn't notice a thing and instead put a pan on the fire. She waited for it to heat and then poured the egg mixture onto it.

'See, Clark, an omelette's really easy,' she said. 'You can have one every day with toast. Oh, I do hope you know how to make toast?'

He laughed slightly. 'I do.'

'Good,' she said. Clark watched her wait until the egg was golden brown before flipping it with a spatula. It made delicious sizzling sounds. She continued talking. 'Protein is made up of amino acids. Egg's a very good source. It has all eight essentials. Methionine, Leucine, Isoleucine –'

'Er, Lois,' he said, interrupting her. 'I don't actually speak _Nutrition and Cook.'_

'Of course you don't,' she said impatiently. She got frustrated with the egg as she tried to slide the spatula underneath to take it off. 'Ugh, what kind of pan is this, Clark?' she complained as she poked repeatedly. 'God, you'd better get a non-stick pan.'

'Sorry,' he mumbled. He took the spatula from her and very carefully with limited force (not wanting to send the omelette stick onto the wall), slid it under the egg. It came off easily. 'Voila.'

'Wow, you have strength, Smallville,' Lois said.

'Yes he has lots,' Jason commented as he leant casually against the worktops, gazing up at Clark with an intense but very interesting stare.

_Has he figured me out? Jason, I hope you don't let it out._

Clark averted his eyes from his own piercing blue eyes that were copied onto Jason's face and looked back at the omelette. Lois held it up for him on a plate. It was steaming hot. Without thinking, Clark took a bite at once.

Lois was staring at him with disbelief.

Jason, however, was stifling a laugh.

'Clark, that egg was piping hot,' she gasped. 'Are you sure your throat's not burned?'

Clark was very uneasy. How can he be so stupid?

He pretended to gasp. 'Water!'

Shaking her head reproachfully, she poured him a glass of cool water. Clark gulped it down with pretend urgency.

But he can see one person wasn't fooled. Five year old Jason, who was watching him observingly.

Clark averted his eyes again.

'Now,' said Lois. 'I'll teach you how to make tortillas!'

'Alright,' he said. 'Er, what should I do?'

'Take out the wheat flour packet from the bag. And try not to break it open accidentally, Clark, that's a very good company product.'

Clark picked out the wheat flour and very carefully cut at a corner with a pair of scissors. Lois seemed satisfied and took the packet safely out of his hands. Pouring half of it into another bowl, she asked him to just pour a glass of water from the jug.

Clark managed to pour some water into the glass but as he was about to put the jug down, he saw that the fire was high and as he frantically reached out the other hand to lower it, his grip on the jug tightened and –

_CRACK. TINKLE. SPLASH. CRASH._

_I hate my hands, _he thought in regret, staring at the pieces of broken glass. He bent down to pick them up and as he straightened … something very bad happened.

His glasses fell off.

Jason smiled satisfactorily and happily at the reveal of his hero.

Clark was inwardly content at that but Lois had a different reaction.

Her face, which was cross at his clumsiness, turned into shock and such disbelief at recognition that she dropped the spoon and bowl she was holding. The flour powdered the floor.

Then her eyes were furious.

She stood there, rigid.

Clark didn't move a muscle.

He gulped and sighed instead. Then, deciding to give Lois the full picture … he took off his overlarge work suit to reveal the blue and red suit with the famous yellow S embossed upon it.

'I'm sorry, Lois,' he said.

She pursed her lips and analysed him from head to toe. Superman knew she was thinking a million things in her mind this very second.

Then she managed to find her voice. 'I don't think cookery was a very good idea for you.'

He gave her his famous mysterious gaze and a small shake of the head.

'Jason,' she said slowly. 'Get out of the kitchen.'

'Why, Mum?' he asked innocuously.

'Get out, now,' she said, this time through her teeth. 'Go play on the sofa.'

He obeyed. Superman watched him go and then looked back at Lois. Her expression was blank.

'You can clean up this mess, can't you?' she said.

He nodded.

Then she lost control. She whipped open the cutlery drawers, picked every fork and knife her hands reached and flung them with enormous force at the Man of Steel. Her hair was all over her face and her expression was furious.

'YOU ABSOLUTE MORON!'

_The End._


End file.
